Adventures in Dating Part 1/5

So after awhile of feeling that I needed something more in my life I decided to sign up with a matchmaker and allow someone else the task of finding me a date.  10/03/2011 was the first of five.  I arrived just 5 minutes earlier than our scheduled time and asked for a table for two.  I so felt like I was in a television show since that is what I've always seen done. Eventually "my date" shows up slightly late (only like 5 minutes, but we live in LA so with our traffic that was still pretty good.  Of course he was a transport, which means that he was born and raised somewhere else, but then moved to California.

Initially there were the awkward moments of silence and the questions about the usual stuff, but eventually it felt like I was talking to someone that I had known for awhile.  The experience went better than expected.  Not sure if I found love, but I certainly found a new place to satisfy my food cravings for tiramisu.

This dating thing is quite interesting.  How is someone with a full-time job and other life responsibilities expected to find another human being that they are compatible with in the span of a 24 hour day?  I'm just saying, maybe if I worked part time then I would have time to focus on this aspect of my life.  I'm looking forward to date 2/5 to see how that goes, in addition to experiencing a new food location. 

The numbers game

I'm officially addicted to Sex and the City and continually try to relate their made up lives to my real life.  So to fill you in: Miranda gets diagnosed with chlamydia and is told by her doctor to contact all of her previous sexual partners.  As she tries to recollect all the people she's had sex with she come to the tally of 30 guys.  I mentioned this episode to a friend who mentioned that those were hoeish (sp) numbers for a women, but of course for a man it was just alright.


In 2011, is there such a thing as hoeish numbers and does a double standard still exist?  Do women have to lie about lower numbers just so that they aren't viewed in a negative light.  I so hate double standards because I would like to believe I could live in a world that's fair, but I know that is just a thought that will exist only in my own head.


Nothing more to add to this post, I just felt like getting this thought out of my head and putting it into the universe as I review my own personal list.

Alicia Keys-Element of Freedom-Song #7

Have you ever had a continuous thought over and over and began to believe that it could be reality but are afraid of what others might say.  My life has consisted of me having these types of thoughts.  Anytime that I actually spend great deals of time thinking about something then I feel that it probably is rather important since I'm usually able to come to a conclusion on things rather fast. This situation has me torn.  Do you stay with what you have always known or do you go out on a limb for something unknown.

Whenever I have gone out on a limb into the unknown it usually has worked out well. I went to college without ever stepping foot on campus until the day I moved in and it ranks in the top of  "The Best Decisions that Olu has made". I admit sometimes people just do crazy things just to see what's going to happen, but I don't think this is one of those situations.  I've thought of my contingency plan if I truly decide to embark on this adventure in the life of Olu.

As always I use the lyrics from songs in my life and this particular song had many lyrics that described what I was feeling at the time. It was crazy how it just spoke to me. At times I have moments when songs speak to me. Jill Scott has done it many times and Drake always has a line that represents me to a tee.

Moment of honesty...
I'm gonna sit right here
And tell you all that comes to me
If you have something to say
You should say it right now

I was wondering maybe

Could I make you my baby
If we do the unthinkable would it make us look crazy
If you ask me I'm ready

Not sure where I'm going with this one but at least if I have it written it takes it out of my mind and provides me with a brief moment of clarity.

Can't sell me Bullshit...I Know the prices

After my recent trip after interactions with various people I realized that I enjoy compliments from whomever with the understanding that those comments are usually just to assist them in the selling of a product of for other devious endeavors.  I guess as long as I figure that I know their intentions then they truly aren't really getting over on me.  It's comical how people think that they are providing you with what they consider important information when in reality it's just bullshit. 


There a few things in life that I can't stand; liars and bs'ers.  The reason probably is because I feel that your word is your bond and neither one of those types of people word holds any weight.  It is refreshing when some is actually being "real".  I so hate the concept of being real because I don't know exactly what it's supposed to mean.  There are many instances when "being real goes wrong".  I think Dave Chappelles skit summarized it best.


I think when I first heard the title of this blog is was in a Jay-Z song.  Gradually as I listen to things over and over again I get a better understanding, or at least my understanding of what they should be, which is the most important thing.  As I sit here in the Cleveland airport listing to Rick Ross and trying to get myself mentally prepared for Miami I'm wondering how many times this phrase will pop into my mind this weekend.  A short and sweet writing before I take another nap to fix the fact that I landed at 3:30 am Cali time. Sigh.

Loyalty

The dictionary defines loyalty as, "the state or quality of being loyal; faithfulness to commitments or obligations".  As I think about the qualities that I feel are important in people I deal with: Honesty, respect, trust, and loyalty are what always comes to mind.  Without these things I think it is impossible to have a functional interaction whether it be a relationship or friendship. 

The things that I've mentioned aren't things that are developed overnight.  It may take years before those things can be successfully developed between individuals.  And it can only take a moment or act to tarnish any one of those things.  Your actions should be a direct reflection of these things.  I rather you show me than tell me since, "an action speaks louder than words" in the world of Olu.

Not enough people place as much weight as they should on the actions they do or the words that come out of their mouth.  In the end all you have is your word to support your character and unfortunately there are many people who's word means absolutely nothing to me. 

To be loyal to someone does not mean that you are completely submissive to them in any way, shape, or form.  In my mind it means that when stuff hits the fan that you'll be in the corner to support them or, if need be, call them out on their actions.  I'm abou tready to drop the mic and walk away, until next time.

Know your role and accept who you are

For awhile I think I've been denying who I am as opposed to accepting the person that I have grown up to be.  I like to shop, I like to travel, and I enjoy being outside of my house more than I enjoy being inside.  But for some reason when others mention those same things to me I try to deny those characteristics that describe me. 

Just as I should accept my role, I am learning to accept others for who they are.  People will show you who they are, you just have to be willing to listen to them and not make excuses for who they are.  I'm gradually realizing that certain personalities will not work with me being who I am.  I understand that they say that opposites attract but I can only accept a person being so far too the left of where I am. 

People need to know their role in your life. Some people are meant to be major players or even game changers, and some are just meant to be place-holders for the people who will have meaning to your life.  I think I'm tired of the place-holders. I do appreciate them for their time but as my mother told me this week " you need to up the stakes since you're not getting any younger".  I tell you words by Felicia are a great thing. You gotta love her truths and her views on life.

Since my summer session is beginning, and I think I'm coming down with a possible cold, I'll cut this one short so that I can rest and be ready for my 5 AM wakeup call. Swanky.

An Ode to N-City

So this is dedicated to my time down in National City this past weekend. I went down there to visit a friend, and to keep me entertained he decided to have me partake in the festivities of the town. National City is down by San Diego, and N-city was your classic hole-in-the wall.  We were definitely at the younger end of the age spectrum of the crowd that was in attendance.

The good thing about hole-in-the walls are the drinks and the DJ, not to mention the things that can be seen.  First of all, if you are wearing Coogi from head to toe, then you shouldn't be using an elastic band to keep your glasses on since you broke part of the frame and it's missing.  Also, I believe that everything is not meant for everybody, as far as clothing goes.  Spandex may have been created by the devil and there were some individuals who apparently sold their souls to him for that fabric. If my phone wasn't dead my facebook status updates would have been on fire.  I guess I wasn't meant to chronicle the night while it was happening.

I had a drink called 911.  Initially I was scared because of the name, but I've never met a drink that I couldn't handle.  Still don't know what was in this drink but it didn't have a strong liquor taste but definitely provided me with my happy juice that I needed.  911's made me have an appreciation for dancing in the 7-11 parking lot to loud music from cars.  After 2 of those drinks I wanted to pretend to be 21 to see what kind of fun or trouble I may get into. 

I use to have a few good hole in the walls near me that I would frequent.  I haven't done so in awhile and think I might need to bring that part of my life back.  Every time that I have been I have enjoyed myself due to the laid-back atmosphere, good drinks, and of course the patrons. During my travels in the next couple of months I shall be on a quest to find the hole-in-the wall spot that each city has to offer. Time for me to focus and do some reading until next week Monday.

I got a zest for life

I'm convinced that if I continue to go at the pace that I'm going that when I die I would have lived enough for two lifetimes.  My mother told me I need to slow down but all I can think about is "giving it gas, and no brakes".  I probably am trying to overcompensate for something that is lacking in my life.  If I felt like paying someone or actually talking about it maybe I could find out what it is.  But truth be told, I rather not.

I figure if I can continue to do the things that bring me happiness then that's all that matters, right??? It's worked for me thus far so I think I'll still keep on doing what I'm doing. Me doing what I'm doing sometimes means that I'll be doing it by myself, but when I think back on the peaks of my life a lot of those things were done by myself, so I feel right at home being solo dolo.

Besides, what it considered to be doing too much? Sometimes a person may feel as though they aren't doing enough.  It's all so subjective. In 2 Ways by Lupe Fiasco he summed it up for me:

All you see is all my flights
Well all I see is all my falls
All you see is all my rights
All I see is all my wrongs

I think I have officially gone off on a tangent that only I will understand...I apologize.  It's just a part of all the random thoughts that continuously fill my mind.  Since I've decided to actually focus on class while in class tonight, I guess I'll have to end now. See you next Monday.

The law of attraction

Some time ago I went to this business workshop where one of the speakers spoke about a vision board. I had heard of this before but had never created one of my own. Some people say that if you you write things down or put your actual visions down then you will be more likely to attain your goals.  Eventually, I went on to create my vision board and still have it up now because I'm still currently working on these goals. A friend heard about my vision board and proceeded to ask me if I had seen the Secret or read the book that the movie was based on.  The basic premise of the Secret is that the world is based on the law of attraction. Depending upon the energy you put out you can attract either positive or negative things to your life. 

When I was a senior in high school I wrote how I expected my life to be 10 years later in my senior memory book. I said I was going to either be an orthopedic surgeon or sports agent, live in a house, and have 2-3 kids by then.  Apparently, some of those things occurred, but the rest are yet to come.  If you can continuously think of something and keep it on the forefront of your mind, then I feel you might be more likely to continue working at it.  There are those people who always say bad things happen to them and they have bad luck; I don't believe they have bad luck I just believe that by them having those thoughts they attract bad things towards themselves.  If you can change your outlook, you can potentially change your world.  I'm currently trying to practice that, so I'll let you guys now how that goes.

1. I hate when people judge a book by it's cover.  Sometimes you should try to read a few pages of the book so that you can actually know what it is about. Some people think they have you all figured out when  actually their thoughts aren't even close when it comes to the person you are.

2. As opposed to complaining and saying what others aren't doing and things suck, how about you do something to make a change. I never complain about things that I myself am not willing to work towards changing.  Everyone has a lot to say but they aren't willing to put their money where their mouth is or actually do something to create a better situation. That irks me so much.

3. I finally gave in and watched the youtube dance videos by some chick named Ices. Apparently she is very popular and had 2.6 million views of her videos. She inspired me to buy my flip video camera...be on the look out for "Olu, up close and personal".

4. Is upset that J. Cole is performing on Rihannas tour. I refuse to buy a ticket and be subject to her performance. I saw it live once and I said never again. I guess Jermaine and I will have to wait until another time to meet up close and personal.

5. I think I'll start saving my rants and release them once a month just so I can release them from my system...That is all for now, I have television to watch and plans to make.

I always fall for your type

I've been going through my mental Rolodex trying to figure out what my type is. When I have these conversations with myself I come up with a great list. When I'm put on the spot and asked the question I stumble.  I don't know if I have a definite list, but I do have physical qualities and personality traits that peak my interest. An attractive light-skin cutie to a chocolate deluxe and maybe an occasional vanilla swirl all catch my attention. When I walk down the street I feel like a man gawking at a women sometimes by all the eye candy I see. Back to the type, so once we get past the looks then that's when the personality comes in.  Not that I'm superficial, and I know you can't judge a book by its cover, but I'm not going to even pick up the book unless the cover interests me. I'm just saying.

Nice personality, easy-going, sense of humor, honest, hard-working, easily adaptable, slightly spontaneous, ambitious, intelligent, charismatic are just a few of the things that come to mind when I think of my ideal mate. The goal is not to follow patterns of the past, and to learn form each situation.  There's a reason those that are in the past are there.  Sometimes things just don't work out and I can accept that and have definitely been happier once certain situations died.  Yes, I know die is a strong word but it describes what needed to happen to certain situations.

I'm still trying to come to a conclusion of what I desire in a mate, and it keeps switching up from day to day. I guess once I can decide what I want then the universe will bring it to me.

1. I realized that some times things just aren't meant to work out. If you feel as though you're tyring too hard then maybe you should stop. My life example was NBA all star 2003 in Atlanta. My flight got cancelled twice and by the time I got there my ride experienced issues.  Then I had to give directions to the supershuttle to Clark Atlanta to try to break in and stay with a friend for the night.  This was what made me realize that if I have to try toooo hard that maybe it's just not meant to be.

2. Stripping for Jesus.  What's this nonsense that they keep talking about. I refused to check into it because this just doesn't sound right.  Not that I'm judging anyone because you gotta do what you gotta do, but stripping for Jesus is just a bit too much for me.

3. I was asked if my ADHD should be a concern.  I don't think it's affected me so far. I just have to continuously keep doing things or I will get bored and go crazy, or at least that's the way I feel.  Maybe I should try just being still like my mother would want for me to do. 

4.After watching the various posts on facebook and youtube it made me wonder how common abusive relationships were.  I've seen grown men go in on women like they were dudes and have been shocked/sickened. I'm not sure how I would react if I was involved in one.  I'm lowkey scared of what I would do since I do believe in revenge and retaliation.

5.I think of Miami a great deal, despite the fact that I was ready to get the hell out of there after graduation. If i can't make it there at least once a year a part of me dies.  Yes I am being over-dramatic, but that's my old stomping grounds. My college years were a great time for growth, learning about myself, and the beginning of my independence.  That city will always have a hold of me and that's probably where my obsession comes from.

I lie to you, because I love you.

For some reason this line from Baby Boy popped into my head. "I lie to you because I love you, but I tell the other ones the truth", was kinda how the line went. That's a bunch of nonsense if I ever heard of any such thing. If you love me you should be willing to tell me the truth, regardless of what the consequences may be.  At least that way I'll be able to make an informed decision on what I should do with you. This can go for any type of relationship: work, friendship, marriage.

Without honesty or truth, what do you really have? If you can't take a person based off of the things that come out of their mouth, then there really is no purpose in trying to wait to see if their actions will back them up. So you love me and feel that it's best to lie to me, because you feel I couldn't handle the truth. The saying probably is more like, "I lie to you because if I told you the truth, my truth would be that you would leave me". I can handle the truth, because at least that let's me know that you still have enough integrity to hone up to your mistakes.  A person that realizes their mistakes, and is willing to work on them, shows me that there is the possibility for reconciliation.

Lets be honest, the real reason why you lie is because you're selfish. Selfish people make decisions for others without consulting them.  I rather you not be selfish and choose honesty. In the long run I think it would probably work out for the best, or it might not.

Top 5

1. 03.15.2011- Nathaniel "Nate Dogg" Hale passed away. When I think back to the songs of my youth and even more recent songs, if Nate was on the hook, it was almost a guaranteed hit. 41 is too young for a life to end. I always thought that if I created a song Nate would sing the hook, Dre would produce it, and Swizz Beats would do the remix. I guess I gotta go back to the drawing board for my album.

2. I think that is unfair that married people don't wear their wedding rings.  It's a waste of my time to put in effort to try to find out about you, to just find out later that you are married.  At least if you had your ring on , the "not available" or "no vacancy" sign would be up so I could just keep it pushing. #IJS (I'm just saying).

3. Dear producers of MTV, you owe me an apology. When reality TV first appeared with the Real World I enjoyed it, but now thanks to that show, everything on TV is reality TV. No one cares about people living in a house in Jersey; or people who claim that they are wives, when in most cases they were just the glorified jump-off. Damn it, they should record my reality or some people who at least matter. Show people with real jobs and real struggles. I can appreciate Extreme home makeover or Undercover Millionaire as opposed to Bad Girls Club or any housewife show. Not to say that I don't watch it, it's just that I'm tired of it.

4. I am still upset that the clouds in Los Angeles blocked me from seeing the supermoon on Saturday evening. I really don't want to have to wait another 18 years for the moon to get that close again. Dear Los Angeles sky....you suck!!!

5. Still wants a shirt that says "Chocolate Deluxe". I remember listening to that Wu-Tang song thinking what flavor I would be.  I am definitely not a mocha, or vanilla bean. Chocolate Deluxe fits me so well. I tried searching for the shirt but was unsuccessful. I will keep looking and when I find one, watch out!

The Words I Never Said

Shout out to Lupe Fiasco and Lasers for giving me some things to think about. "It's so loud inside my head, filled with words I should have said". I realize at times people keep things to them self, when they should be let out for the world to hear. The words that you might say might just be the thing that someone needs to hear. I know I'm guilty of keeping many words inside my head. I'm going to make an effort in trying to reach out to those who I care for and placing my time in those that actually matter and ignoring those who need to be ignored. It's not too much time before Tuesday begins, so I guess I'm done for this week.
TOP 5 Randomness with a bonus 2*






1. Driving: I love the concept of driving and can relate it to my life. Through my rear view I see my past, through the windshield I see my future, and the present is at my sides. Upgrades and downgrades will occur and possibly accidents.


2.Biggie died 14 years ago on March 9, 1997. His killer has yet to be found. Can you imagine how music would be today if he was still here. Would Jay-Z be as big as he is on the east coast.


3. I always wondered if I was a rapper would I be able to create a double entendre, or maybe even a triple entendre. A double entendre for those of you who do not know is a phrase that can be understood in two ways. For example " I move keys, you can call me the piano man". Plating a piano involves moving the keys and moving keys of cocaine would get you the name of piano man because you are moving keys (even though they are keys of coke). Jay-Z does this best or at least the most often which is why I enjoy listening to him and hip-hop as a whole. I like to see what creative way a person may put their words.


4.Is gradually realizing that despite my mind rambling, I am somehow able to get things done in a timely fashion.
5.I've always played video games but took a hiatus for about 10-15 years. Guess what....I'm back. I figured I would make the announcement that DJ Hero has supported my decision in choosing to pursue my djing career. My name is DJ Haute Fiyah (insert siren now).





*This bonus is for Ken since he called me out for not officially having a top 5. He gets the gold star for paying attention.


**I advise for everyone to explore their surroundings. In the past two weeks I have been and seen many places in LA that I have not seen during my 29 years in this country. I've learned alot about the history of downtown in addition to the Hollywood area and Santa Monica. Take a tour people. Enjoy our city and our state.

The Rules

So while having a conversation with a male friend we began to talk about the various rules of dating. Wait a few days before calling once you get someones #, wait 90 days before being intimate, wait a certain before bringing up the concept of being in a relationship, etc, etc, etc. Who came up with these rules and why should I abide by something that I didn't create. Why should I follow some arbitrary guideline that doesn't align with what I believe in. I never followed any rules, like Drake said, "I just always did my own thing". We came to the conclusion that rules don't and shouldn't apply to everyone. Sometimes there's that chemistry or "vibing" that makes everything go out the window. I like to call it the "game changer". It's the thing that has you switching up what you do because you want to. In my opinion the only thing that I can do with rules is break them.

My week of randomness

1. Man at grocery store who I am convinced was tipsy: You know Godzilla was a love story, that gorilla was just in love with that women and ppl just didn't understand....Mind you he was talking to himself the entire time which just adds to the hilarity.

2. Discovery of a great concoction: Pomegrante vodka and lemonade from Jack N the Box. Try it. It'll change you life, or at least your night.

3.Hustle men in Hollywood and Beverly hills: Please refrain from assuming that I will want to buy your product just because you're black. I'm all for supporting an up-and-coming person but I refuse to support crap, especially from a rude a-hole. #that is all

I'm done for my Monday night talk. Let's see if I show back up next week.

2011

I've decided to actually use my blog that I created a year ago to clear my mind of thoughts that I need to get rid of. Look out for the week in review on Monday nights. Can't wait.